桜 & 恋

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

jot those little feelings/thoughts down~

Was flipping through my ‘dairy’ or ‘diary’, and found that I’d written on a particular topic for at least twice since back in secondary days.

I wrote ‘I must be more communicative, sociable and about how I’d always mess up an opportunity be-friend-ing someone else’.

Whenever someone else whom I don’t know of came talking to me out of the blue, I will just felt kind of weird and will refrain from them, limiting my replies, seldom eye contact, which the other party will interpret as snobbish/Tao or what not. Strangely I only behave like that when that someone is of smarter, good-looking, or just simply better then me [applicable to both gender]. My sense of inferiority? I only felt comfortable with those in my own zone? In short I can be the Mr nice guy if I felt comfortable with you and if not I’ll be the last guy you wana met on this very Earth. Sad to say in today society you are bound to work with ppls that you may not like, that i had to slowly work on it =/

There is moment when I jumped over that zone and be-friend with those ‘better then me’ pals. That’s when my instinct comes in; I judge people instint-cally and look (though the saying you can’t judge by the cover) Interestingly, I had accurately predict a person background, I remembered telling this girl she is the eldest randomly and was correct, I assumedly said that that girl was good in math and her friend beside me was like ‘you are right’. If you asked me to predict your background based on your look, sorry I can’t as that kind of interpretation comes randomly.

I had observed myself as quiet little mouse in big group of peep and a bubbly kiddo in small group of closer peep. Perhaps in bigger group, there always someone outshining me that I just remain passive. Another of me that i had to change~


Feeling and thoughts that comes randomly are without any restriction and is in it purest form that you can trust it deeply. Most of them come before bedtime, when you are free from stress and daily routine. When those feelings/thoughts come just jot them down in a little note, they are your inner-most thought/feeling that your soul want you to know. These 2 days I had been practicing it, is like in my bed, when random feelings/thoughts come in, I will just pop out and jot them down. Guess what? I had forgotten the details the next day if I hadn’t referred.

Take care

Already had something in mind on the next post on Love.doc and art of nullifying sad stuffs~

-- uncle had bought me 5 YUI photos fresh from Tokyo!!! Hopefully he didn't remove the Yen price tag, so that i can show off is fresh flown from Japan!!! a big thank you. Feb the collection date =]

Buy me some good luck charm too, and those bottle that store Japan 'air', kidding~ @___@

sometime when you re-read the same post again you may find it to be diff with some little additional stuffs added in~

a so heart-felt song to comes along~

yooosh !!! finally i saw some light in my cream-making!!pharmaceutical cream that is @___@ project that is

cant believe YUI-Namidaro due on Feb is out for DLLLL!!! had mine alreadY@

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  • It's diary, kai-kun... lol XD

    Hmmm... i wonder what it was like when we first met... Did you give poor persistent lil' me the cold shoulder as well, i wonder? ;o I was certainly smarter than ya, i think ^_^ But i certainly don't believe that you can be outright hostile and cold to another... The warmth in you, and the sincerity and just gentleness...i daresay it really is very hard to imagine... But it is very true about working with people you do not like... I for one go to a place which i utterly despise and loath, filled with imbeciles, actors and plain idiots... whom i would like nothing better than to stab repeatedly over and over and over and over and over again and smash their skulls in and deprive of every last shred of happiness before i deskin and gut them slowly and leisurely... but i digress... And if the river truly cannot be bent, divert it slowly, slowly in the direction befitting to your purpose... and lead it to its ruin.

    ... I think if you'd judge me 'instinct-cally', you'd have ran far, far away the first moment you saw me, i think... lol And did you really guess my background right, i wonder? ;o

    That's why i HATE groups... i always prefer one to one attention... when you and whoever you're with have each other's undivided attention. It focuses things down... I inevitably withdraw into myself the moment a group gets to big, or even when it goes into threes or fours... Perhaps it's become almost basic to me to fade into the shadows...

    Hmm... i try not to think too much these days... rather preferring to immerse myself into the feelings of others or get lost in the romance or thrill or intrigue in some anime ... A means of stopping myself from going over the edge, i guess...

    By Anonymous kanon, At 8:18 PM  

  • @ kanon

    i'd heard worst analogy from you on the 'slaughtering process' LOL- just a way of letting it out, i guess~

    'undivided attention' just shows how much attention we wanted/involved, i guess normally we only want that from the opposite spouse, for me as well.

    don't hate group but live with it! =]

    By Blogger kai, At 1:36 PM  

  • Oh if only you could feel the same fires that burn in the depths of my soul... The hatred that drives me to self-ruin and yet the sweetest nectar... And the sorrow that brings the sharpest pain and yet almost divine ecstasy... What i would give to consume all, and destroy all... and return everything to perfect nothingness...

    Truly now, it is only most respectful to give whoever you're with the fullest attention... especially if that someone is someone important to you... Groups simply turn me off, somehow... I become bitter, diplomatic and put on the usual masks i use when dealing those not as close, or strangers even... All in all, it's just not fun.

    By Anonymous Abyssmal rage..., At 7:47 PM  

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