some thoughts~

Man, I just can’t stand the fact that I’m serving my holiday by cooping at home rotting, just 1 whole day spend at home is like $%#$% especially if there’s nothing to do, other than staring at the lifeless computer throughout the days. I decided to do some swim, some adventurous walk (i.e. to east coast), chilling up with pals, but I can’t repeatedly do these the whole week right? Perhaps, I’m going to get myself some books to read **which is not me**, well at least I thought can pass time or sought.

By right, I had planned my holiday to be spend on some projects given by the school during holiday, thus I left the option of some job-seeking, I wasn’t chosen though (that’s is why I’m rotting at home). I was told by the teacher that I had not show much interest in the project and stuffs like that, and this time round my **bo-charpness** had gotten the hell of me. With that I started my appealing to show my ‘interest’, till then I had to coop at home.

--$#%$#% dear Russell was feasting on his own shyt, **I mean is not like we didn’t feed him**, I read it somewhere that is ‘alright’ for dog to indulge in their dung, for is a way of replenishing the lost nutrients or stuffs like that! Yes I will clear the shyt before he could finish them, for hygiene purpose, **sometime I will pretend I saw nothing, out of laziness =/** yup that very BAD! He then begun digging up the rubbish bin, to get my attention or is he really that hungry? He is extremely affectionate to my sis, and always wanted to sleep beside her, at the same time very protective towards her! Whenever he slept beside my sis, my grandma and dad will think twice before tugging him out, cox he will bite, probably thinking that we’re ‘attacking’ her, I myself was bitten twice, when I play with my luck to try getting him out! Then my grandma came out with this tactic to get him out- simply press the door-bell, he will then just run out of the room and bark fanatically, after which the door to my sis will be shunned, leaving him kinda sad laying around =/ -- and the reason for not wanting him in, is that my grandma claimed that is dirty and bla blas…

Just now I was trying to get my earring out, it was kinda easy to my surprise ** I had darn big fingers you see, so having 2 fingers together to pluck it out, already took out so much darn freaking space, that’s explained why I took 10 mins to put it back! ** there some bleeding too, when I took it out, well some guys like me are that ‘bumpy’, or maybe I had **delicate skin** =,=

For some reasons, I keep giving thanks to some supreme being for the things I had (friends, academic, and little stuffs like the bus came on time), **I’m not a religious man**, but somehow I thought I don’t deserve these gifts, and hence the very least to give thanks. This will kinda humble my heart and will not take things for granted, though many a time I may had taken my pals for granted, perhaps I don’t know that I had, but if I know my action is like **taking someone for granted, I will not do it, that I’m sure of** Perhaps when the relationship is so deep that, it seems is alright, for example to shout at them but at the same time we though is not appropriate to yell at strangers, contradict yea? I mean someone so dear to you, yet you without second thought just vent your anger at them, while a total stranger, you still think twice!

Some close pals had been ‘reprimanding’ me that I’m not the kind of responsive type and had too much pride in myself! I’m told that I don’t know how to reciprocate others acts on me, I’m told that I don’t know how to say ‘sorry’ and ‘thank you’. Perhaps that just me, like I said before, I’m don’t how to express my feelings or thoughts, and that perchance is my barrier that shunned me form letting my feeling known to her **maybe that other case ba, cox I’m the shy sought =/**

The reason I gave them for not saying ‘thank you’ for example after a treats from them is that I felt is kind of ‘forma’ to say that. It not like we are business partners that we must check on our politeness, gestures and stuffs. If we begun to look into details of behaving ‘appropriately’, it may jolly well ended up like robots, everything is done sought of ‘unnaturally’ for we think twice before our action, to me real relationship is just express the thoughts out, without analyzing the possibly facts of consequences, just simple said out naturally! Well that’s my view, bleh!

But, but, when coming to the opposite gender, I will definitely say ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’ for that’s gentleman acts, so does that means that I’m not a gentleman in front of guys? Well in front of guys is ‘buddily’ acts, everything is plain and simple, straight-forward. Wait I’m kinda lost here in expressing my thoughts here.@___@!!!!!!



And can friend be more than just friend? I mean become a pair of love birds? I mean will the friendship remains as before if either party is to confess but failed? It will be kinda awkward if both are to see face each others in the future, yea? But of course if it turns out fruitfully then it may jolly well be a ‘happily ever after’! sometime I thought I dare to confess, but if its failed I thought it be better, for I always thought how am I going to keep this relationship, what to do to maintain it, how to make her happy, and stuffs. Worry is the darn word! ** For who had a longer life, by worrying? Stop worrying!** Then I thought, why not let nature takes it course, for things without plan, I thought is natural and truthful O_O. Yup, surprise party need some plans but you know what going to happen, isn’t that a bit fake, But but who cares, for she doesn’t know the surprise, so to her is real! =] and about letting nature takes it course, I will again thought what if nature go this way, or what if go that way? Worry, worry, worry, woo to those that worry, for they lack trust in God himself **read it some where in the bible when I was then a christian, back –slide-d now** or rather those who lack trust in themselves, I mean give yourself 1 chance to do those confession, if success cool~, if not life moves on yea? And you know you need not wait for the other party, and yet again as usual I KNOW WHAT TO SAY, BUT DON’T ACT IT OUT, AS SAYING IS MUCH x infinity easier then act! So darn true statement!
**love build w/o friendship as base is like building a house with sand as base**

Why must man keep on looking at the negative possibility then the positive 1? Is it safer this way? Or is it the act of insecure-ness, powerless, no sense of oneself? Yes is always wise to explore possibility from both sides, but we always come up with a worst case scenario – that scenario will most likely happen, for we perceive that it going to come, and yes it will come if you already had that thoughts in mind! So if we look into the 1 side possibily, the +VE side, are we simply bluffing ourselves?
Well just some food for thoughts, that I myself cant explained as yet, tired, yawn, night sweetest dream and don’t let those little pesky bed-buggy poke!

Do Take care
Kai
=’