from eathquake link to insercurity to religion then link to my confession, how the hell i did it?
Gosh. Yet another earthquake had strike somewhere on earth @1355 SG time. Was having lunch with my grandma, when I felt my house shaking (this was like the 2nd time of the day, and 4 times in my life), I confirmed my sensation by looking at my kitchen lamp swing back and forth. I stared back at Russell, who with his usual eye, eyeing on my food, as if nothing had gone wrong, I was like dear Russell can I trust you in time on disaster? The whole process lasted few seconds, but that sure scared the wit of my grandma, who wanted to ran down, safety first I guess, but didn’t cox the quake lasted awhile. My grandma is already feeling the dizziness since yesterday; perhaps older people had acute senses to this kind of things. Later realized from uncle that, earthquake had struck somewhere in Indonesia, and people are being evacuated over at Bugis, etc.
---some thoughts by kai---- don read if you are tired, cox is lengthy, or you may not absorbed---
Mother earth is so fragile at times, and it have had supported so much life on it since millions years back, who can guaranteed this is for eternity? Yes, you are darn right; here we are in Singapore, surrounded by many big ‘daddies’, who had shielded us from all those natural disasters, and with strong political roots here, free from ‘human disasters’. I noticed on the atlas that, over the north we are protected from Malaysia, but we are kind of expose over at the south, and land are merely 20M above sea level, so if quake strike, tidal wave may just gush the south, and darn me at south! Some interpretation from the wanabe geographer, =,= let assume if tidal wave were to come, the only mountain, or rather hill we had is Bukit Timah hill at the center, or the smaller version, Mt Faber at the south, can they support the population? I think when it happen, we can see the true nature of human, tumbling over each other to get to the peak, or the strong helping the weak and old?, or strong 1 claiming ‘leave the old and weak behind, for only the strong can survive and carry on the next era? One asked, cant we just jolly well stay at our house, for is ‘strongly built’, why must we get all the way to $%@#% hills? That my assumption made, hills foundation better then flat, for hill had a larger base area as compared to HDB flat with such a small base and a tall ‘body’ made them really fragile, I guess. There I go again, the wanabe architect.
** pals over at Bedok South felt the quake too, he replied via msn, saying his chair is shaking and he thought he is fainting out of hunger, the fact was the quake!**
What I trying to say is that in time of distress, the true human nature will be shown, both –ve and +ve , be it be a relationship, or stuffs like that.
BTW, religious leader will believe that all these disasters are sign from the supernatural-God, for these disaster doesn’t occurred frequently, so when it happened, it must be a sign or something, just like our pre-historic ape pals, when they heard thunder they thought ‘God is scolding us’, and stuff like that, they begin to held in awe to the nature since then. But now, human known that thunder is just a mere sound produced with some interaction of opposite charges, just sneered at it. Once we obtained knowledge, we begin to feel as if we are king, neglecting the nature around us, no longer the awe we once had for the nature! In fact we are now opposing the nature, feeding them with pollutants and junks like that. Imagine tree which had help us to replenish oxygen and we are re-paying by ‘nourish’ them with soots etc, when I walked past some trees with black marking on the barks or leaves, kinda sad acutaully. All this ideas are from the anime Nausicca, by the great Miyasaki talking about the struggle between human and the nature. Perhaps the reasons why God forbid Adam and Eve to retrieve the Tree of knowledge is to prevent us from obtaining knowledge, in the process felt as if we are invincible and can do anything we wana, disregarding our nature.
All in all my ideal world is 1 that is pre-historic lifestyle and, each family grow their own poultry, veggies, trade with each others, no currency, no vehicles, just simple human with simple lifestyle!
Anyway is it really a sign or something, for few days back, scarlet moon appeared over the night sky, and I witness it the next day with uncle. You don’t get to see scarlet moon every day right? Signs signs? Are they really signs? Or are they just merely the insecurity of human nature that they choose to believe in anything that is consider ‘safer’, no one dare to oppose the supernatural, unless you are a determinant human. Religious is there to ease the insecurity of human being as once Mel told me, or is there to cover the hole inside the human heart, perhaps we need some ‘spiritual food’ to ‘conceal’ this hole? It is this fact that some people come out with some religious cult and target those insecure people to join, making used of them, as seen in newspaper, recently 1 Indonesia religious leader was caught for SERIES of rapes etc, these people feast on the insecurity of human hearts.
I’m not against any religious, as I was in a way ‘safe’ from it. I was a very insecure boy ever since my paternal grandpa passed away when I was P6, he was and is (if he still alive) very close to me. He favored me the most, making hard-boiled egg early in the morning when I stayed over at his house; bring me to Mac (Im the only 1 with this privilege so often,=]). I ‘re-pay’ by volunteering massaging his back, and ;wash; his belly button with a cotton bud with baby lotion, I recalled, yes to all this maybe a ‘yucky action’ but all these was actually did out of love. Sad to say, he was attack by some cancer, reducing him to bone, he still try to force a smile whenever I visited him, w/o me realizing that he was actually in pain (I was a boy, then). His optimistic life and smile will continued lingered in my heart.
Yet another series of things that really crushed my life that year, my mun passed away from breast cancer. Told you, that really crushed my life. She was diagnosed when I was P4, only told us during P6, when she know her times is near, I recalled how much she must had endured through those years combating diseases w/o us supporting her, and when I came to know, I was like still playing with my game over the com, how in-sensitive I was then, it was only when she was lying on the hospital bed that I began to feel bad. The moment she was placed into the furnace, I was …..
So guys, treasure all the times you had with your close one, least it left a regret in your heart, just don take those times you have with your dear ones for granted, its not a everyday things you can do always, and to be able do it now, is a blessing.If u does felt regret. pour out your love to those around you now.
So my life then was crashed, I became very insecure, talking to myself, those sitting beside me in secondary school day may notice me mumbling to myself at that time. I was actually thinking I could communicate with my grandpa (don’t wana talk about the details, like how I talk to him) for some reasons, this continued for 2 yrs, later part of my life I began to feel as if my hand got dirty easily, thus I would keep washing my hand frequently, told you the truth I never realized this fact, until my family stated noticed my weird behaviors and talk to me. When this failed my dad even bring me to those spiritual medium and request help from them( of course this does not help). Eventually my dad consulted my form teacher and asked if she known of my weird behavior. She replied ‘no, kai jie is a very good boy, etc.etc’. My dad then follow a more appropriate approach, send me to a counselor, I would said he an amateur counselor as I was expecting every questions coming out from his mouth, so it did not help much either.
It was then when those Christian doing some missionary approached me and asked me to visit their church, first 2 times I rejected the offer, was only third time I gave in. Over there, I was expose to the love and heart-warming of people, over time I begin to gain security over there, and all my weird behaviors just dissipated like that. Hence the roots of my psychological disorder (took up psychology, and known this term), comes from insecurity. As times went by, I realized I was over-relying on this God, or perhaps I followed the wrong way, having the wrong ideas (again don wana talked about the details). So now, I’m a free-thinker, having my set of belief, though in time of adversity, I will still pray to him. . . I’m stronger now!
All in a way, when you felt insecure, asked for a listening ear, and be a listening ear to those who need it, insecure come from within you, and only you can re-solve it ultimately, give yourself some trust and your circle of pals will definitely help!
Man, actually can write on, but too lengthly la, and hand pain! End here
Actually wonder how I linked from quake to insercurity religion then to my confession!
***pls pause the playlist at bottom of page*****
for those feeling down
2 motivational songs by ZONE, pay close attention to the sub -lyric, really gd lyric
Zone- For Tomorrow [Final Live- Subbed]
Zone- GO [Final Live Subbed]- pay close attention to the sub -lyric too(pls this not just another act cute song)strong lyric in here, inspirational(to me) the very least, btw Mizuho doing the solo. . .