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桜 & 恋

Thursday, September 27, 2007

When will I learn to treasure?

People come and go in my life. Once thought everlasting bond, friendship will just brush away from me that easily. It funny how I don’t cherish them, I mean they can come and go just like that and yet I just felt like ‘like that lor’~

Those days I spend in my office in raffles medical as a part-timer, where staffs treated me like family. How close the bond? So close to a extend that 1 of them even addressed me as ‘son’ for a month. The day I left, I just said goodbye and never stay in touch till now. Perhaps I don’t know how to treasure or I simply see it as people just come and go like the wind is to the rustle of leaves. I do felt sad when parting from them, but that is that, I only shows; no action.

Tomorrow will be the last day of attachment over at Jurong Island, memories flow back on the 4 months I had ‘coop’ over there. The stress in rushing to finish experiments, the minor conflict in different views, the joy when the bunch of us sit by the stairs after lunch to have the so called coffee break, the breaking of glasses (ops), the washing of piles of bottles, the rainbow, the birthday cake, the the . . . so many things. Am I again going to leave just like that?

1 thing I must really shout out, really thanks those who willing to pick up a phone call and ask me out, to hang out to re-invite the bond. Perhaps I ought to do the same thing. Will I? Again I doubt so. Some say I as cold as stone, others say I gave them the warmth, for me I see myself as a haphazard molecules @__@

When will I learn to treasure?

2 Comments:

  • Finally some deep thoughts at last... Looks like the most recent fight we had and all my yelling and scolding finally got through to you, somehow... even if you don't wanna admit it lol As much as i want to rail at you and even punch and beat you down for how easily you let go of people, how much you take things for granted, how much of a damned brick wall you are, how much you're so damned selfish that all you think of is how others will think of you and not what others feel... That's just... you. I accept that, and it's still my choice to watch over and care for you for as long as i am able... Isn't that what friendship means? You're a free soul, Kai... You take an incredible amount without giving anything back... and sometimes... I... maybe we, feel like we're being taken for granted by someone we care so much about... But personally, i can't help myself. I tried to chain you down and cage you once... I failed, but from that failure and eventual breakdown, we're up to the point where we are now... =p Perhaps you've started to let yourself realise what's wrong. You've been running away from the hard truth for too long, Kai. You've always brushed aside unpleasant things so easily and focused on the good things... But you don't know how much you've lost in the process. Pain gives us depth in character... It allows us to feel ever more strongly... feelings far stronger, far greater than any bit of joy can give you... And only through it, can you understand what true happiness is.

    Another thing... You have to want to be committed, Kai... There's only so much the other party can do... In a relationship, be it between friends, colleagues, family, lovers, apprentice-master, it always takes two hands to clap. You must want to do it. You must have the will to want to go with it. And to do that, you must find the importance in that thing to you. How important am I to you? How important is your uncle to you? how important is all you have called a friend to you? If you can safely say that if we'd vanish one day and you'd be utterly alright and fine the next, then we're worth nothing to you at all. Is that what you choose to show? Haven't you ever looked at yourself and felt ashamed at how weak your will is? That you might feel a flicker of want, and yet do nothing to pursue it... And just let it pass like so many other chances? I have... I always have... And I hate myself for it. People love you for what they see in you, Kai. But it only amounts to so much if it's all one-sided... Make an effort Kai... We all have... Perhaps it's about time you did? And simply not think about it and in the end be held back by your fear of shame or misunderstanding or shyness or whatever it is? Be strong, Kai... I know you are.

    By Anonymous Moses Extremely Loves Very Important Names, At 12:35 AM  

  • WUlalalala

    another of those sutra, nah kidding =]

    heed it i hope =]

    By Blogger kai, At 6:05 PM  

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