桜 & 恋

Sunday, September 30, 2007

When the night is over. . .

I’d always picture wedding in a chapel/church to be a romantic, heart-warming but now I see it as plain boring and toot. The pastor will spend like >30mins preaching ‘oh the Lord create man and woman; 2 unite and a new born comes’, ‘oh what woman submit to man and man protect her wife’. ‘oh this, oh that’, and its no wonder my family especially my dad shown sign of impatient, fidgeting around, meddling with brochures and to an extend of complaining ‘so luo suo’ meaning talkative in Hokien and mind you he did said it loud, and my bro just replied ‘yea lor’ and I just kept quiet sensing many eyes arrow at us and they were like oblivious. That was last sat when we attend a wedding of; wait let me get through my mind, wedding of my mum’s father’s brother’s son’s wedding. We Chinese got many terms when referring to relatives but nowadays uncle, auntie settle every thing! Convenient but somehow it lost the sense of closeness as all are categorized similarly. Well anyway that the 2nd I had attended in 4 months I think and 1 was far worst then the next in terms of preaching. . .

Come to think of it, both of my uncles are actually Buddhist turns Christian for the woman’s sake i think, 1 of them even struggle since his dad is those old fashion traditional man, who held strongly to his belief. Somehow it went successfully. So is religion a boundary that between 2 lovely dovey? Love knows no boundary is just a cliché?

Well I comes from a traditional Chinese family with a traditional head over us its no wonder my dad strongly resist me to be part of church. I was a turn Buddhist to Christian to nothing now. Wait my turn Christian hood is not cox of love duh! Once a zealous follower to now a free thinker, its funny how man can change so easily. How zealous? I fixed aside 30mins or more a day to read bible, and manage to finished it, I highlight some verse and write down what they said ‘God spoke to me’, I pray every morning and night faithfully, I repent for all sins committed, all these to a extend of a daily routine that it had lost its meaning eventually. The wrong way of following Christ is like wood plus the fuel from my dad, extinguish of faith is only a matter of time. I did struggle to hold on but let it down ultimately. When will I embrace back? I don’t know. Seriously I don’t want to be tie down by religion of sought and stuff and toot!

Still, I will pray to ‘God’ in time of lost. Is it answered? Yes sometime when you believe.

Sometime I felt that pastor said thing like ‘God SOMETIME never answer your prayer is a testing of your faith’, but to me is more like insurance to them. Well they can’t guarantee everything after all, can they?

Oh yea, now that attachment is over, times now for report. Take time I guess.

With that
Kai take care


  • o0..
    Depends how you pray. quite hard to tell u since u are kinda outside. haha. may felt like they said it as a insurance, but it applies in different case. and God is not spoilt spot, joy-killer. just treat Him as a friend and talk, u will know more. don need to do those routine stuff just to fulfill anything. it is not a religion,it's a faith.
    anyway just be normal, like to your friend. someone who you can throw temper to, scold, angry with. yes there wun be lightning to zap you. bit by bit you will understand.

    By Anonymous zai, At 1:46 PM  

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