My pride, my plight

Many things had happened for the past weeks. . .

First was my decision of getting down-graded of PES status that I could be out of course from Amour infantry (AI). This left knee cap of mine had been bugging me even before BMTC (I’m sure I’d mentioned somewhere in my blog). . . the pride within me had help me pushed on (you know a typical LEO cares lots about his ‘face’ than his ‘ARSE’. I remembered I was made to re-run SOC over and over again till I finally passed, though SOC was not even a criterion in getting to command school. It was then the ache slowly turns to pain. .. I just get few days’ medical status and ta-da I’m ready to run again.

I didn’t know how serious the injury was till I finished my 24km road march. I could felt this sharp pain climbing up down of stairs. I was worried about my injury for the first time. ‘Will I be alright?’ Will I be alright?’ I took every step carefully every single day, praying hard each day that the pain will ease off just like that. Luckily the 10 days break was enough for the pain to subside temporary. Soon the rigorous training at SISPEC; the pain re-surfaced. I feared that I would experience the sharp pain when walking up and down of stairs again, so medical off was an option. So whenever the pain came, Iill visit the MO. Oblivious to my condition, some will pass comments like CK (chao’-keng) or in other words skiving through. Thankfully I’d wonderful section mate who’d motivated me through the course, helping me carrying the matador during outfield (I could still remembered vividly). I still managed to pass the veto factor even though I’d missed lots of physical training, I could jump the SBJ, I was like ‘oh I’d fully recovered’!!

Then came the rehearsal for passing out parade (POP) for SISPEC. As a member of drill squad back in BMTC (GOLD), I felt that I must execute the drills perfectly, banging hard, making sharp turn and such. .. At the end of the day I could felt this ache but my prideful-self just want to continue (I felt that I was obligated to do well cux after-all some knew I was from drill squad).

So the preparation leads to absenting from the actual day of POP. The whole platoon will march through the night of 28km into the parade square straight for POP. I fall out somewhere near 16km, as I could felt the pain aggregating/haunting/pestering me, even though I’d tape it hard. I grit my teeth, looking down at the pavement and count every step I took; pushing on. If not for the motivation from my PC, I would already want to fall out at the 12km point. I walked to a point where tears came rolling down, I really wanted to give up badly. .. it could be the phobia of the pass road march that that traumatize me since then or the pain was not bearable any more. .. so in the end I fall out from the march, didn’t join the POP but getting my CPL rank after the POP.

I was posted to amour infantry soon after as a specialist. Darn! That was the worst vocation one can go to, which I didn’t wished to elaborate.

The first weeks was driving phase which required frequent jumping up and down from vehicle. One could have climbed down from the side, but I didn’t want to be the odd one out so I continued jumping down from vehicle. Very soon the pain re-surfaced. I took the pain-killer the MO had given me. I thought I was invincible for that moment. I chiong every SOC training like mad dog, desperations to gain back what I had missed. The setback? Once the pain-killer looses it effect, the pain came yet again; I’d further aggregate the injury without me knowing. Now the pain takes weeks to ease off unlike back in BMTC. I’d a x-ray taken but the doc said nothing was wrong. I guess a MRI is required.

Toppled up with that, my current section mate didn’t know my situation! They see me as CK, from the frequent visit to MO. Details. ..i don’t wana mentioned about it. . .

I gave a thought; there no more point to ‘tong’ and ‘chiong’ anymore. The fire within was quenched. I decided to give up. . . but of course I’d to change my mentality that it is for my own good (no point risking and suffer at older age, such serve and fuck off (SAF), and not because of them. Interestingly they had been treating me differently, for the better since the day I’m pending for out of course. Perhaps they now knew it was a genuine case, if not I wouldn’t have had the long medical leave of 84 days which is enough to be out of course.
So now, I’m doing paper work- a office boy who had to swallow humble pie. . . but I guess this will be temp, I’ll be back when I recovered! =] ROAAAAAAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Takre care
kai
=’
桜 & 恋




I'D always believe in fairy tales, its no wonder i fell in love with this song when my sis intro it to me!

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