桜 & 恋

Saturday, November 15, 2008

neglecting my pride~

So my life there at SISPEC had come to a halt with the 28km road march marked the ending, the march commenced last night at 10 pm and ended today at 5am.

I fall out at the 16km point (2am) as I couldn’t bear the pain on my injured knee cap and ankle anymore. The medic who attended to me said that I tighten my ankle way too much (cux I was wearing ankle guard + black tape), same thing for my knee cap as well. I guess that phobia was carried on after completing the 24km BMTC road march.

I remembered back that I still grinned my teeth and managed to finished the march with the injuries; consequences -worsen the condition. I had problem walking up, down stairs after that, if not for the 12 days rest I don’t think I can make it for SISPEC too. This psychological barrier of not wanting to aggravate the condition (I don’t want to feel the pain of walking up down stairs anymore) is there since then. Coupled with the sprained ankle further lower my morale + will.

We chiong 8km (<2hrs) from the 4km-12km point, that part of time I was really mentally shag, I could feel the pain but continue to press on and swayed behind my platoon. I just look down and count each step I took to neutralize any thoughts. However I can’t help but already thinking of what reasons to give my staff sergeant that I want to fall out.

So we reached the 12km point (the toughest part of the march). I was so mentally shag that, I gave in to my emotion and weep in the dark after my staff told me to cont. yes I did another 4km and finally convinced my staff that I couldn’t take it anymore. I guess it not a pride matter that I want to cont or not, back then with my ego I will press on no matter what, but having mentioned the psychological barrier + mentally shag I chose to forsake it.
I still conclude that my physical fitness wasn’t there yet due to the fact that I missed out lots of conditioned running (again injuries). . . at the 6km point I was already using my mental str to press on to the 16km point (physically shag coupled with injuries). So at the 16km I just gave in.

I search deep within myself and realize that I gave up cux I just couldn’t take it, with the injuries as excuses to fall out. . . perhaps I yet to cross that psychological barrier?

Anyway I got posted to Armor infantry- another chiong-sua unit. In fact 7/10 of my bunk mates going there! LOL. I had totally no idea why they would post someone with injuries background to a super duper notorious chiong-sua unit. Zzzzz. And it will be another 22weeks! @___@.

Well hopefully I got assigned to drive the tank then don’t really need to chiong laio! Now with CPL rank , guess I had to uphold it with certain responsibility too!

Takre care
桜 & 恋


  • Kai-kun, it's not about neglecting your pride, cowardice or anything else as we discussed... It's entirely about making the right and logical choice. Pride is many things to us. It gives us the drive needed to overcome obstacles, face adversities and also the will to fight... It can however, blind us and ultimately lead to our downfall... I chose pride over all else, kai-kun... and I paid the price. Just to prove that I could, regardless of injury or pain or any suffering, I pushed on, resulting in that which ails me even now. I understand that feeling of pressure all too well, kai-kun... But I did not yield, my arrogance would not let me. And more often than not, when the heart takes over... bad things happen. I'm glad your sub-conscious took over... You're no wimp or weakling, kai-kun... you would not have even taken the first step were you one.

    With each new day come new challenges, kai-kun! Fight on and keep on keeping on! ;p

    By Anonymous The arrogant, At 2:13 PM  

  • 'keep on keeping on' this quote i remembered was by our dear mrs ho

    By Blogger kai/kaispiral, At 6:13 PM  

  • I remember it from a card you sent me long ago... lol

    By Anonymous how one coincidence leads to another, At 6:39 PM  

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